Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
