Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just google imaged poop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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