i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you will always have a special place in my vag
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
