they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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