Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
