I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize