Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
