My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
