im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
