I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize