we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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