somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me too!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
