You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
