You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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