I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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