people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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