a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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