Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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