I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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