Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
