you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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