I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
