What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
