she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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