I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
