Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i believe in u and ur pee
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
