Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
