pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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