saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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