Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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