she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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