Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
