i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
