I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
