I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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