when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
