she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
