where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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