so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
