yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
