My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
