I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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