Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
