Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
