wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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