Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
