She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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