i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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