what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
did you just send me my own nude
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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