I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
