Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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