Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
