Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
