Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
