Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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