We're facebook friends in real life
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
