I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
