I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
