Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
