i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
