Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
