Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
