how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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