Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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