She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So much rum. So many feels.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
