I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
