If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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